Monday, December 5, 2016

The Giver Becomes the Receiver

All my life I was the Giver. Perhaps it came with the territory, being the oldest I helped take care of my younger siblings. Perhaps it was part of my personality, as I preferred to deflect attention from me and bring joy to others. Perhaps it was culturally inbuilt, as both my ethnic and environmental cultures emphasized giving without thought of receiving in return. Regardless of where or why, I was comfortable giving more so than receiving.

Then I came here. Here, I've had to learn a lesson I never thought would be so difficult to learn. I've had to learn to receive graciously.

In tandem with giving, is the pitfall of receiving selfishly. We all know someone who, either through their upbringing or character weakness, doesn't understand the meaning of giving because they have spent their life receiving. Even the act of receiving has become routine so much so that they fail to appreciate the sacrifice on the part of the one who has given to them. That was my greatest fear. I think at times I focused on giving because I didn't want to become someone who, through receiving, forgot to be grateful, unselfish, and caring about others.

It is possible to receive graciously, however. To receive is not less blessed than to give, though the inverse is often quoted as a virtue. Yet to receive someone's generous gift from their heart is to bless them also through a humble gratitude. It allows the other person to experience the joy of giving without censuring them.

When I first arrived, I quickly learned that I could not exercise the same type of independence that I had embraced in the US. The language was different, cultural expectations were different, and I had a a lot to learn. The first lesson I had to learn was to ask for help. Instead of heroically struggling up the hill with my shopping for the month, I had to learn to accept a ride from a friend. Instead of booking a taxi to take me to the airport in the middle of the night, I had to learn to ask a friend to take me. Instead of carrying 10 liter water jugs up 3 flights of stairs, I had to learn to thank a friend who offered to do it for me.

All of this was very uncomfortable for me at first. I wanted to be able to prove that I could do life on my own. I was in my 30s, after all, and had plenty of experience managing in a variety of circumstances. Yet I quickly realized that life here was not about doing it on my own. Life here was about community and living within that community meant that it was okay and even encouraged to reach out and connect, to give and receive, in an ever-increasing cat's cradle that was never meant to be untangled to find its beginning point.

One of my friends told me once that they were very uncomfortable receiving and having the spotlight on them. I nodded my head. I understood. He was a Giver too, just like me. Yet the more I think about it, the more I see the beauty in this concept of not only giving but also receiving.

In this Christmas season, we are privileged to receive the greatest gift of all. Belonging. Salvation. Love. There is no way to repay this Gift but we can express our gratitude by graciously receiving and knowing that in doing so, we are giving great joy to the heart of our Father. See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. ~1 John 3:1


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