Called to Humility

Sometimes you're just called to be faithful, she said.

I was calling home, weary after a week that didn't quite measure up to my expectations. Or rather, one where I felt like I didn't measure up to my expectations. When I was a kid, I took piano lessons and imagined myself one day to be a virtuoso concert pianist. Though my teachers did their best, the latent talent was not in me and I did not achieve the high standard I set for myself. Similarly, when I decided to head to the Middle East under the AVS program, I felt that I should be seriously involved in service. After all, I had an undergraduate degree in Religion, I had lived 17 years at a health institute, and I was experienced in multiple cultures.

The first week or so I was very excited as I felt I was fulfilling my goals. I helped paint a wall as part of a community project, visited refugees and brought them food baskets, and began to build a friendship with a young Christian lady who worked at the fruit cocktail shop. Then somehow life shifted its focus and I became absorbed in figuring out how to manage life as a single adult in a developing country. Outreach gave way to inreach.

I started to evaluate my life this week and began to feel rather discouraged. I wasn't spending my free time visiting people and studying with them in their homes, teaching others how to do hydrotherapy and massage, putting on health expos, or teaching refugee children. I hadn't even visited the school for refugee children because I was working during the week. Everyone who came back from short-term trips overseas always had such inspiring stories to share. Even the long-termers returned speaking the language fluently. And here was I.

My vocabulary consisted of enough words to give directions to a taxi driver or order a favourite wild thyme sandwich. I had one friend outside the campus, the lady at the fruit cocktail shop, and our interactions consisted of a warm hug every two weeks or so when friends with cars invited me for a fruit smoothie. I spent my free time doing laundry, marching up and down the hill to get groceries, visiting historical sites, or helping a friend with her twin baby boys.

As I shared my thoughts with my mother, I could almost hear her smile on the other side of the world. Some people are called to greatness; others are called to humility. It was like an Oswald Chambers quote. And yes, I instantly knew I fell into the latter category. She continued on to remind me that sometimes it was about being faithful to what God had called me to do and shared how she knew she was doing what God called her to do even though being an accountant wasn't on the list of missionary-approved roles such as teacher, doctor, etc.

Then she started to tell me the story of David and his men. In 1 Samuel 29, we read about a battle between the Philistines and the Israelites. David was living in Philistine country at the time, so he and his men were prepared to battle with them. However, they suddenly became fearful that he would turn on them so David was commanded to return with his men back to the city that they had been given. It was a tiring 3 day journey and we pick up the story in 1 Samuel 30.

Upon returning to Ziklag, David saw that the Amalekites had raided the city and kidnapped the women and children. David and his men had previously been fighting wars against the Amalekites on behalf of the Philistines, which explains why they wanted to get revenge. The men cried bitterly and were ready to stone David because of what had happened. David, however, consulted God instead of a medium like Saul had done earlier, and God reassured him that they should go into battle and they would be victors. So off they went to rescue their families.

When they reached the river Besor, 20 miles away, 200 of the 600 men were so exhausted they couldn't continue. David left them there with the baggage and went with the 400 to fight the Amalekites. They were successful and returned with the women and children and spoils of war. When they met up with the weary 200, those who had fought said, Give them their wives and children but none of the spoils because they didn't fight with us. (1 Samuel 30:22). David retorted that everyone should have an equal share, those who fought and those who stayed with the baggage. This became a rule that was then practiced in Israel ever after.

Some are too weary to fight. This is okay because there is still a task for them to do. They can stay with the baggage and wait. I was very encouraged to hear the story and apply it to my life. I haven't been called to do grand things and I haven't been equipped with the spirit to do so. I am still trying to figure out life outside the conservative world I lived in for 17 years and that takes more energy than I realized. But there is a task for me to do. It may seem menial but it doesn't matter. What matters is whether I'm doing my tasks faithfully as I wait.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; ~Psalm 130:5