In the Midst of Chaos - Peace

My life has been a bit full these last few weeks, both my personal life and my work life. Since changing jobs, I have also been carrying a full teaching load as a summer intensive, so tasks I would have liked to accomplish have had to sit on the side while I prioritize the simply urgent. I haven't even looked in drawers to see where the paper clips are, let alone organized and archived old files. It would be easy to look at it all and feel overwhelmed.

Yet I am learning not to walk that way. I am learning to dedicate time to silence, to joyful laughter, to spontaneous outings, to earnest prayer, to thoughtful writing, and to God-moments. I am learning that I am not indispensable and there is no virtue in an attitude of panic. I am learning that if I ask, God will confirm I am where He asks me to be and even when I forget to ask, He provides beautiful affirmations. Chaos can be the status quo but peace should be the response in the midst of it.  

To add to the melee of it all, I am also working on the dynamics of fitting into the administrative team. I am mostly a silent observer but even communicating with nonverbals is significant. For example, I sit on two committees as recording secretary. I don't have a vote and am not to speak unless it is to clarify a motion. At the same time, there is regular dialogue happening and at times the one speaking will look at me to support their position. In that moment, I can nod and smile in agreement, frown in disagreement, or attempt to hold a neutral face.Who do I affirm?

I fill a unique space at the university. Because I grew up here, even though it was just 3 years, the friendships and connections still remain. My heart was shaped by Lebanon first so my instinctive reactions are grounded in this culture. At the same time, my European heritage and North American education with work experience add to my hexagonal reality. From Islander to European, from Asian to African, from North America to Middle Eastern, I am a clash of cultures within myself. Here I fit but with whom do I fit best? Perhaps there isn't an answer to that.