A couple of days ago I was talking to my mom online and struggling with my current responsibilities. I feel like I'm doing something that doesn't require much brainwork and could be done by a college student rather than someone with my experience and qualifications. I questioned why, when I had a graduate degree, I was not doing tasks that required higher-order critical thinking. She listened thoughtfully and then wisely said, Do the tasks that God has given you to do.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt like you were spinning your wheels? Perhaps you had prepared yourself to go to a remote area as a missionary and then, instead of boarding the next plane, you spent six months sitting in your house waiting for paperwork to go through? Or maybe you finished your doctoral degree and the call you were expecting didn't come so you ended up cleaning tables in McDonalds while you sent out resumes? If you think about it, I'm pretty sure you'll remember an instance where you had to wait.
The question is, then, how do we wait? Do we wait patiently or anxiously? I tend to be the worrier, the one who gets impatient, the one who dreams big and then feels frustrated when life consists of the small actions. I want to save the world but reality is often made up of the mundane. Presidents sit in meetings, nurses change bandages, teachers grade papers. Nothing spectacular but quite often necessary and a hidden part of the process of change.
Often the change that comes is not within the system or the imagined area that is lacking. Often the change comes in us. This is why my mother said what she did. She knows I am impatient and want to change everything right away. Yet she gently reminded me of a principle I had confidently touted to all before I came but forgotten to practice. Don't try to change everything at first; sit back and observe quietly. Some things you may be able to change while others you may not. If it is something immoral, then yes it is your duty to say something about it. However, if it isn't your responsibility, then don't worry about it.
This morning I opened up my devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest, and the reading shook my heart's rafters. We are so busy telling God where we would like to go. . .We wait with the idea of some great opportunity, something sensational, and when it comes we are quick to cry--"Here am I." . . .but we are not ready for an obscure duty. Readiness for God means that we are ready to do the tiniest little thing or the great big thing, it makes no difference.
I'm thankful that God has patience as I figure out this thing called the Christian life. I'm thankful that He has mercy as I stumble into an understanding of what it means to follow Him in the little things as sincerely as I do the large things. I'm looking forward to seeing how He will order my steps and I'm learning to be content with knowing that I may never know the result of being faithful to His plan for my life.
While I'm unsure of how to plan my future and be most effective in ministry here, I'm learning that God has a plan which I cannot predict. All He asks me to do is to be faithful in each opportunity He brings to me so He can bless me and others through it. So I am going to try my best not to create my own plan but instead learn to listen for the Holy Spirit's prompting in the simple things of life.
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